Misconception of Goodness: Being good is often mistakenly seen as the ultimate virtue leading to happiness, but it frequently results in being used and abandoned.
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2025 MILFORD STEVENSON ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
SEP 22, 2024
Why ‘Being a Good Person’ Might Be the Worst Goal You Can Pursue
If being a good person was the holy grail of human character, then surely all good people would bask in the happiest of lives.
Yet, reality paints a different picture. Good individuals frequently find themselves used, abused, betrayed, and abandoned. The pursuit of goodness, often seen as noble, reveals itself not as a path to fulfillment but as a journey fraught with unseen burdens.
I can understand why so many are drawn to this ideal. It rests on the assumption that goodness aligns with societal expectations, suggesting that conforming to these norms will lead to acceptance and success. However, this notion is misleading. Being good does not bestow any inherent advantage or provide a leg up over others. The harsh truth about goodness, or the label of being good, is that it often means living in a constant state of striving to meet external expectations, be it from people, influences, friends, status, or social circles.
Let us reconsider the valorization of being good. Instead of elevating it to a noble pursuit, I propose that we embrace integrity as our guiding principle. Integrity stands apart from the subjective interpretations of goodness. It is a steadfast commitment to standards and principles that unequivocally distinguish right from wrong. There is no ambiguity in integrity; wrong is wrong, and right is right, much like the undeniable color of the sky or the unchanging function of the moon.
Integrity encompasses fairness, honesty, empathy, compassion, and the courage to speak against injustice. It involves seeking the truth relentlessly and advancing oneself in a manner that leaves no room for confusion about one’s moral stance. Unfortunately, people often conflate being good with being kind, or equate kindness with goodness.
These concepts, while seemingly virtuous, are pursuits without substantial value. Kindness can be perceived as weakness, and goodness may mask the lack of backbone needed to stand firm in one’s identity, regardless of societal pressures.
Integrity demands that you declare, unequivocally, who you are and what you stand for, irrespective of external opinions. It leaves no space for interpretation or debate about moral absolutes. If we must discuss what constitutes right and wrong, we delve into a broader discourse on individual reasoning beyond personal biases.
The glorification of goodness is a flawed doctrine, one that has been propagated to the masses, leading many to abandon their authentic selves in favor of a façade that seeks societal approval. This mask, this outfit of perceived goodness, is designed to make one more palatable to the world. Yet, the world seldom accepts you for who you truly are; it accepts individuals based on their utility. Once that purpose is fulfilled, people are often discarded without a second thought.
There exists an intoxicating allure in universal acceptance, which makes the pursuit of being perceived as good more attractive than the brave stance of maintaining one’s authentic self through integrity. This is the fundamental divergence between being good and being a person of integrity. Integrity is about doing what is right, while goodness is about doing what is preferred by others.
I hope this perspective provides you with something profound to ponder about your own life. Reflect on your aspirations: Do you strive to be an individual of integrity, or are you ensnared in the pursuit of goodness at the expense of your peace, health, and well-being?
Integrity aims to lighten your burdens while enriching the lives of those you encounter. In contrast, the pursuit of goodness is a quest to gain others’ approval, often at the cost of your inner peace.
Embracing integrity means committing to a life where your actions are guided by unwavering principles. It means standing firm in your convictions, even when it is inconvenient or unpopular. Integrity fosters genuine connections, as people come to respect and trust you for who you are, not just for the façade you present.
Moreover, integrity is liberating. It frees you from the exhausting effort of constantly meeting others’ expectations. When you live with integrity, your sense of self is rooted in your values, not in the fluctuating standards of society. This inner strength cultivates resilience, enabling you to navigate life’s challenges with grace and confidence.
In contrast, the pursuit of goodness often leads to a life of compromise and self-neglect. The constant need to be perceived as good can result in sacrificing your true desires and needs. It can create a disconnect between who you are and who you present yourself to be, leading to internal conflict and dissatisfaction.
By prioritizing integrity over superficial goodness, you align your actions with your true self. This alignment fosters a sense of authenticity and fulfillment that external approval cannot provide. It allows you to build meaningful relationships based on mutual respect and understanding, rather than on the illusion of constant goodness. Integrity also empowers you to make difficult decisions with clarity and confidence.
When faced with moral dilemmas, your principles guide you, ensuring that your choices reflect your true values. This decisiveness strengthens your character and reinforces your commitment to living a life of honesty and fairness.
Furthermore, integrity inspires others. When people witness your unwavering commitment to doing what is right, they are more likely to respect and emulate your behavior. This ripple effect can lead to a more ethical and compassionate community, where individuals are valued for their integrity rather than their conformity to superficial standards of goodness.
In essence, integrity is the cornerstone of a life well-lived. It is the foundation upon which you build your character, relationships, and legacy. While the pursuit of goodness may offer temporary validation, integrity provides lasting fulfillment and a sense of purpose that transcends external approval.
As you navigate your own journey, I encourage you to reflect on the values that guide you. Consider whether your actions are driven by a desire to be perceived as good or by a commitment to living with integrity.
Strive to cultivate a life where your principles define you, and where your actions are a true reflection of your inner self. In conclusion, let us shift our focus from the elusive pursuit of goodness to the steadfast embrace of integrity. By doing so, we not only honor our authentic selves but also contribute to a world where actions are guided by unwavering principles, fostering genuine connections and lasting fulfillment.
Reflection Questions:
1. Self-Perception: How do you perceive your own actions? Are they driven by a desire to be
seen as good, or by a commitment to your personal integrity?
2. Societal Influence: In what ways have societal expectations influenced your definition of
being a “good” person, and how does this align with your true values?
3. Personal Sacrifice: Have you ever sacrificed your peace, health, or well-being in the
pursuit of being perceived as good? How did that affect your sense of self?
4. Integrity in Action: Can you recall a situation where acting with integrity conflicted with
what was socially preferred or expected? How did you navigate that conflict?
5. Future Aspirations: Moving forward, how can you prioritize integrity over goodness in
your daily decisions and interactions?
Summary of Key Points:
May this reflection guide you towards a life of genuine fulfillment and unwavering principles.
Thank you for reading.